This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
