is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
