I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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