Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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