I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
