coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
