You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
