Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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