I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize