I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
