Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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