There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
