1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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