I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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