either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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