I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
