She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
