I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So much rum. So many feels.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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