Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
