Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
