my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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