I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
