I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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