dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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