Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
