Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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