YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He passed out mid-signature
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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