he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
