I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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