This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
