I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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