I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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