nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
