The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
