Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my being single is dangerous.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
