she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
