He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
