Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
