I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
