My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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