I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
