Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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