Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
