Fine. I'll sleep in my office
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
