I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
