508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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