I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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