So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize