I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
