Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
