i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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