I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
