when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I am available for nakedness
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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