The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
