Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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