Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
