Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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