I smell stomach acid.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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