my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I supernannyed him into submission
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
