I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
