also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
