We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
