I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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