is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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