Ambien. No doubt about it.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
