My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
