her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
