i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
