I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it's great music for shaving your balls
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
