I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
