If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
